I’ve been a bit absent about keeping up with my blog as I took some time to wrap my head around many things that all seemed to jump out at me at once. I’m still on hiatus as per my chiropractor with my running and most of my ability to workout. That hit me fairly hard as it’s been part of my regular routine for so very long. With that came A TON of anxiety over my weight, my loss of control, my health and I just wasn’t sure what else. I also found myself having mini panic attacks at least once a week for at least the past month. I thought I was far past that. I also jumped forward with the You Matter To Me Project and gave it an official website and social media presence. As I’m coming to grips with all these things and raising a family while also participating in school events, doctor visits, birthday parties, holidays, and all the usual life stuff, I noticed something. I’ve lost time. I’ve lost time over worry. I’ve lost time over disorganization. I’ve lost time over anger. I’m done with losing time and I’m ready to move forward.
My participation in the #YouMatterToMeProject has taken up a bit of my time, but only what I allow. It has become my own reminder to not only push the idea forward that others need to know that they matter, but to also be kind to MYSELF. I AM IMPORTANT. I needed that kick in the butt. I MATTER. With that realization, I can give more.
Things I’ve come to recognize… disorganization is a major source of anxiety for me. With a family of five, we own a lot of items and let’s face it kids are human tornados. There are days where I know the house is a mess and I just don’t know where in the world to start, so I don’t. It’s not because I like it that way, it’s because I can’t find the focus with the anxiety around me. I’ve discussed this at length with some friends and I finally feel that I have the mental tenacity to attack it. I recently joined a minimalist/organization group online and although I know we’ll always have a lot of stuff here, there are so many things that we just don’t need or want anymore. I’m optimistic (aren’t I always) and I’m hoping that slowly over time I can get the kids to follow along. So far, so good. Small changes like making them accountable with chores shows there is some progress. We’ll see how it goes.
As for the control (or lack of it) with my body… I’ve decided to just take it as it comes. I’ll keep making the trips to the chiropractor and look forward to the day when I can run again. As winter approaches, expect to see me on the treadmill, even if that means I’m only walking. I’m signing up to get my physical trainer certificate for 2018. I expect that these changes with my body are teaching me modification so that I can do it with others, too. Here’s to a clear mind and loving heart.