There will always be the ever elusive roadblock in life that turns your world upside down. I thought I had mine last year… not that you only get one roadblock but I thought that life would at least try to give me a breather for only a moment. It took me a while to turn myself around and live life again the way that I wanted to. When you live with a chronic illness a lot of times things are unsaid to the outside world. You stay quiet about the everyday battle you deal with. You cry to yourself – not out of sorrow but sometimes out of frustration. It’s hard to work at something day in and day out and still have no control over your own health. It took me a while to realize that it’s okay not to have control. I would just try as hard as I can and power on. I could deal with this new life. I wouldn’t be happy with it, but I could deal with it.
Where am I now? Well, I spent a good chunk of the summer still racing. In fact, I stepped up my game and I really really enjoyed it – weekly 5k’s and I even threw in a 10k for good measure. I really wanted to be on track to get to that half-marathon that I’ve set as a goal for some point in my future. In the meantime I was still lifting weights several times a week. I was eating fairly well. I was on track and felt really good… except for my pelvis. Something wasn’t right. Something hasn’t felt right for a while now. There was even more of a flare up in the muscles and hip area than I had experienced before. It wasn’t just an occasional pain. It was constant. It was time to get it checked out. After several trips to the doctor and many x-rays later, we did find not only one problem, but 3. All three worked together to contribute to my pain while I exercise. Fast forward, I’m now in intensive chiropractic therapy… and I can’t run. Like not one bit. Not at all… and I’m so very angry.
I’m not one to let anything stop me. It’s just not in my nature. So when I had the PCOS 5k this weekend, my chiropractor told me to take it easy because my muscles were sore and unstable. So I said, yeah, I’ll take it easy. I’ll just run a little and walk a little. No problem. Yeah, well after a ¼ mile I knew it. I was done. No more running. Not for a long time. Insta-pain. It has been extremely hard to swallow. It’s the one place where I’ve learned to clear my head. The one place where I constantly feel strong and alive even when its hard… and boy, has it been hard this summer. So where do I go from here?
My world has been completely altered. I’m not allowed to run. I’m not allowed to lift or do any strenuous exercises from the waist down. I sit here and try to figure out my new normal. Controlling my PCOS through weight loss
seems out of the question unreachable. This new normal is going to be damn near impossible difficult, but I’m moving forward. The constant soreness in my back is a daily reminder of where I am but it’s what propels me forward to searching for a new normal.
I look at this in two ways:
- It’s teaching me something new and that’s a great thing because I can apply it when I try to help others who struggle with similar problems.
- I’m going to tackle this head on and feel like a total badass when I do.
Today, I’m wiping the tears that I’ve shed over the past week and I’m ready to battle it out however hard this is going to be. I’m Runs2be_happy. I’m going to get there again.