I’ve had a few months to get myself back on track. It’s been a difficult process because I had to get deep and dirty into things that I never thought I would approach. Where does that leave me now? I’m flying high! Ginny has returned to the real world. Am I perfect? No. I’ll never be. I’m a the “old Ginny”? No. I don’t believe I can ever be her again. I’m a “new Ginny” and I’m still getting to know her. It’s taken a lot of self reflection. I needed to find my voice (and I’m still working on it). The biggest result is that I’m a happier me. I can physically feel the change. It’s like someone took a 60lb weight off of my shoulders and it feels phenomenal.
Turning points… I was blessed in late September to be given a surprise gift from my husband. I’ve been part of the PCOS community for a while, specifically a group called PCOS Positivity. We raised money through our group to present to PCOS Challenge, Inc, at their annual symposium. A few girls I knew were going. I didn’t even consider it because it was in Atlanta and I felt it may be too costly. Well, hubs thought differently. He’s seen the effort and love I have for this group so he sent me down there for the weekend. Oh what an adventure! I was able to meet so many wonderful women, relax, have a good time, laugh more than I have in years, and learn some great things about how I can help to control and emotionally deal with the effects of PCOS from experts in the field.
There were two highlights:
1. I was finally able to meet someone who has become one of my best friends and sources of support, the wonderful Ms. Shelby (check her out at survivingshelby.com) . No one makes me laugh like she does and she’s so so real.
2. I ran a 5k for the first time this year without a struggle. It was 90 something degrees, with big ass hills at Georgia Tech. It’s the first time I felt relaxed in such a long time. I ran it slow and steady by myself, took in the gorgeous scenery (if you’ve never been I’d suggest stopping by) and push myself throughout the entire race. Guess what? I finally was able to hit a time I was happy with. It happened on the one day that I didn’t care. I was there for me… for the fun… for the fundraiser. There to do nothing else but get some me time in. I came home a changed person. It was my medicine.
That trip made me feel alive again. It rededicated me. It got me under control. It made me less fearful. I was focused. I wasn’t going to let this anxiety get me down. I now had the gumption and desire to fight. I was fighting the depression of how I couldn’t lose the post baby weight regardless of my best efforts. I was pushing my stress away and decided that I WAS ENOUGH.
Since then, I’ve taken my workouts up a notch. I decided that in order for me to feel better I needed to do better for myself, not just those around me. I worked on my speed (ha ha… if you saw me run you’d know what a joke that is. I’m a turtle). It worked!. I signed up for and finished another 2 5k’s, each race reducing the time it took to finish. I’m looking forward. I’m enjoying running again. It’s not a chore. It’s not something I HAVE TO DO.
If I can take anything away from this it’s be true to yourself. When you lose who you are, you crumble. Take things head on. Set your goals. Don’t get discouraged. Things will work out in time. I struggled hard for 11 months but it took me to places that I never thought I would be. It introduced me to wonderful people, new friends. It brought me closer to my old friends and people in my family. Struggle equals pain, but it can also equal satisfaction.